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You Won’t Know It, Until It’s Gone

Yes, that's chocolate on her face (vegan homemade chocolate mousse, that is)

Yes, that’s chocolate on her face (vegan homemade chocolate mousse, that is)

(Deep and Meaningful Alert)

Today is Hanukah (and coincidently, Thanksgiving, in the US).  Of course, since we’re in Australia, and nobody really celebrates either where we live, it was just an ordinary day for us.  But, I still had Adam Sandler’s Hanukah song stuck in my head all day.  My husband pulled up the Youtube video of it and we watched it about ten times and laughed and laughed and laughed… You see… if you happen to be Jewish, like we both are (well, technically, we’re both half Jewish), you always feel a little bit like an odd ball around Christmas time.  So, when Adam Sandler’s Hanukah song came out in the mid-90’s, it was like…. the BEST song ever!

Anyway, to get closer to the point… While I was watching and listening to the song that I had memorized word for word when I was in middle school (and can still recite pretty much the whole thing), all of these memories from the 90’s came flooding back.  Sights, smells, feelings,,, the whole bit.

The 90’s… You know, that time that was like 15 or 20 years ago (how did that happen)?!  As a kid, I remember thinking how the 90’s didn’t seem to be well defined.  Like, when I looked in a history book, all the other eras seemed so to easy to generalize.  The 60’s were all about the hippies and Vietnam, the 70’s… disco?  The 80’s… big hair?  So, while I was LIVING in the 90’s, I thought that everything was just ordinary and that there was no 90’s flavor.  Probably because it’s all I had ever known.  Does that even make sense?  But, NOW, looking back at the 90’s, it’s painfully obvious that the 90’s had it’s flavor.  (Yes, I just wasted about 10 minutes laughing my arse off looking at this list of ‘pictures that perfectly capture the 90’s)

Ok, so to really get to the point now…You can’t really see what you have until it’s over.  It’s like that saying about not being able to see the forest from the trees.  You can’t see the big picture until the moment has passed.  I was walking home with my girls today, Margo on her bike, yapping away and Goldie on my back like a monkey.  I was feeling really tired and just wanted to get home.  But, I had this moment when I caught hold of my thoughts and grumbling and made time stop for a moment.  I had that tiny glimpse of the impermanence of all these small moments in our lives.  The mundane, the boring, the annoying, the uncomfortable, the unpleasant, the painful, and even the good ones too.  Where do all of these moments go?!  These moments just slip between our fingers and all become like a dream.

I looked at Margo yapping away and nearly cried.  She’s not going to be a babbling brook three year old forever… and the monkey on my back will very soon be yapping away and riding her own bike.  It wasn’t in a sad way that I nearly shed a tear.  I’m certainly not trying to stop time and I’m not sad that my kids are growing up (as they all do).  It was just that one moment when you see the big picture.  Do you know what I mean?  Have you had those moments in your life, when your mind all of a sudden stops chattering and you see everything for what it is?  All the little things that you worry about today, will be gone tomorrow.  And, if they’re not gone tomorrow, there will be other ‘more important’ things to worry about as time goes on.

I’ve only had a handful of moments like that in my life, when you get some really deep introspection and I remember them clearly when they’ve happened.   Of course, I meditate every day, and meditation is great for quieting the mind… but the moments I’m talking about are different.   The moments that bring you back to the big picture.  To who you really are.

Can we just be with ALL of the moments in our life without labeling them as ‘good’ ‘bad’ ‘happy’ ‘sad’?  Do we have to attach our feelings to the moment, or can we just sit back and experience life as it is?  Because as soon a moment passes, the moment is finished and it’s only a memory… some are far and distant memories and others are easy to recall.  Not that we should feverishly cling on to every moment as if it’s our last, with the thought that time keeps passing and passing.  But, you know… savor it all a bit more and don’t take yourself so seriously.

Another cry I have to tend to.  Another whine I have to answer to.  Another ‘why’ question.  Another trip to the potty. Another request for boobies. Another. Another Another.  Whatever… It’s ok… because one day I will be sitting here wondering how the little people in my life have grown so big.

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4 Responses »

  1. I have these moments everydayand like you I think they will be gone if I don’t capture them in my heart, especially since my darling came in my life 7 months ago. The only way to extract life from every moment is to stare in its face, talk to it, register what you did in tht moment; in a nutshell go slooow. It’s like sucking every drop of juice from a summer mango and not dumping canned juice down ur throat.

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  2. Beautiful post my dear 🙂 you should check out this..

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    one of my fav artists at the moment

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