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The Difference Between Love and Lust

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The Difference between lust and love

I CAN NOT believe I�m writing a post on sex! But, I just have to because I’ve been working at a high school for the past few weeks and the topic of sex has come up more than once. Teenagers (and people of all ages really) can be OBSESSED with thinking about sex. That’s why so many of them on are always viewing content from sources such as tube v sex in their personal time. Not so much love, but SEX! A colleague and I were talking about how teenagers must always be thinking about it and it reminded me that… yeah… um… I was probably thinking about sex all day long too when I was that age! No wonder many people go online For perfect pussy porn go and visit Plus, there�s been this big story in the news about a mistress and a man who killed his own wife over a love affair…

It�s pretty normal to have lusty thoughts now and again. I mean sex is what makes the world go round… you can’t maintain the human population without it! Even the trees have sex. Certainly things like hormones, age, environment and who you�re hanging around with also will have an impact. The topic of lust vs. love is a pretty important one in our society, but we hardly ever talk about it! Or, at least, I never really remember anyone talking to me about it when I was in high school…

Lust is such a feverish hang up in the mind and like any desire, once you get what you want, you�re often left feeling empty or looking for it to happen again or looking for an even bigger and better experience. Don�t just take it from me, why do you think most religious warn against cheating and having sex before you’re married? Sure, it protects against getting venereal diseases, conflict and having out of wedlock children (oh scandalous, joking), but it’s probably also to protect people from that emptiness and short lived high that you get when all you want to do is have a big old romp with someone you don�t really love! Although many would agree to be able to have a release that goes further than just watching some is an adult need when the time comes round.

Love is something that grows over time and has more reverence and sanctity. Of course, you can still have lust when you are in love and you can still have love when you are in lust! At a public talk, I once heard Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, founder of the Art of Living Foundation, explain it so perfectly. He said something like, �In all lust, there is 2% love. In all love, there is 2% lust.� Lust doesn�t even have to mean an act of sex so much as just physical touch or the desire to have ownership of something. I know I feel this way when I kiss my kid�s cheeks. I love them so much and they�re so adorable I just want to devour them or something, do you know what I mean?! That’s 2% lust.

The problem �arises� (bwahaha, pun certainly intended) when people confuse lust for love. Relationships that are founded on lust are really difficult to maintain. The feverish firey sex that started the whole thing starts dying down and then the couple starts wondering why they don�t �love� each other anymore… when really, you have to wonder how much �love� was present in the first place. I�ve also heard Sri Sri Ravi Shankar say that, in lust, the attention is too much on one another, it�s like two cars getting ready for a head on collision! But, in love, the couple moves together in the same direction, with common goals and interests, like parallel railroad tracks. I certainly know which journey I prefer!

But how do you know the difference between love and lust?

This is a list from the book, �Celebrating Silence� by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar sums it up nicely (yes, I know, I keep quoting him, because he’s awesome and enlightened):

  • Lust brings tension, love brings relaxation.
  • In lust, there is cunning and manipulation, in love, there is playfulness.
  • Lust focuses on a part, love focuses on the whole.
  • In lust you want to grasp and possess, in love you want to give and surrender.
  • In lust there is effort, love is effortless
  • Lust brings violence, love brings sacrifice
  • Lust is dark and monotonous, love has many modes and colors.
  • Lust says, �All I want you to have is what I want.� Love says, �I want you to have what you want.�
  • Lust causes feverishness and frustration, love causes longing and pain.
  • Lust imprisons and destroys, love liberates and sets you free.

So, what can you do if you�re mind is in the grips of lust? Sri Sri has some more awesome advice:

�Lust grips the mind, tires the body and dulls the intellect. Lust when indulged brings inertia, and when suppressed brings anger. Lust is nothing but primordial unharnessed energy. The same energy when harnessed manifests as enthusiasm, sparkle, sharpness of intellect and love…

What can you do to sublimate lust and transform to love?

  • Take cold water baths
  • Moderate your food intake
  • Undertake creative challenges
  • Be playful. People who are in the grip of lust cannot be genuinely playful. When you are playful, then there is no lust.
  • Be generous. When you realize that you are here only to give, then lust is sublimated. Lust makes you possessive and greedy.
  • Remember death.
  • Be in love with the Divine.

I wish every person was really taught the difference between lust and love and how to appropriately deal with their thoughts of sex! It would probably solve a lot of issues for them now and then later on down the track. I know that if I had been taught early on about the differences between lust and love, it would have saved me from some considerable heartache and headache because of things that happened to me when I was in my teenage years and early twenties! Oh well… better to learn it later rather than never 😉

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One Response »

  1. I loved this Kate! Thank you 🙂


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