You never knew your life revolved so much around poo until you have a child. If it happens when we’re hanging around the house, it’s all good. Even if it happens right before we leave the house, I’m like, “Phew, good timing.” But, just like when it rains it pours, sometimes the poo is equally untimely. Everyone’s buckled in the car, we’ve just spent 20 minutes packing hats, food, spare undies, water bottles, and chasing my 2 year old to get into the car and one of them whispers, “I have to POOOOOOO!“
Did your poo just manifest out of thin air?! Didn’t you feel it brewing?! (thinking silently in my head of course, don’t want to scar them for life by showing my frustration of when they have an untimely poo).
Ok, everybody out. Cause you can’t leave kids in the car, cause you might get arrested, or they might get kidnapped. Pile back in the house (or the shops, depending on where you are). Then the poo. Then you’re 10 minutes late and you have to explain that the reason you’re late is because of poo. Usually my blog posts talk lovingly about how children are in the present moment, so it’s hard for them to think ahead. But, in this post, I’m complaining with awareness about their present moment-ness. Oh, yes I am!
Sometimes, we’ll be getting lunch at the food court in the shopping center. Everybody sits down. I unpack all the food. Carefully pour the soy sauce, or the ketchup or whatever messy, spilly condiments. Lay out the napkins. Dish out the food… and then… wait for it… “I have to POOOOOOO!”
“Can you wait?”
Pack the food back up, pray that the spilly condiments don’t leak on my handbag. Toss the kids in the shopping trolley and wait for one to poo while I think about how gross it is that I’ve just brought our lunch into the parent’s toilet room.
The worst poos are the ones that they announce when you’re trapped in the middle of IKEA. I mean, seriously… there’s no quick and easy way out of that place. I keep a potty in the back of the car for emergencies, but those are usually reserved for the number ones.
I know I have no right to complain. My children were both toilet trained from a freakishly young age. I even did elimination communication with them, and past about 2 or 3 months, they would only poo in a toilet, bucket, or potty. And, by 15 months, or right around the time they could walk, they were fully toilet trained, both day and night.
So, while they’ve had very few accidents, I’ve made up for my potty karma in the number of untimely poos.
And, I wouldn’t mind so much if the poos were all short and sweet. Like, my little one. She poos so fast, I barely have to time to set her down before she announces, “All done!” Cleaning up after her is lickity split.
But, my older one, she takes so long she could tell her entire life story. each. and. every. time. Then, instead of one clean wipe, it takes an eternity. I even have this hose thing, I like to call it my ‘poor man’s bidet‘ and I recommend it to anyone who likes a really clean butt. It attaches to my sink and I can spray her down and STILL it takes forever! It looks like this:
I don’t get it. Same gene pool from the same set of parents, yet, the process for each is like night and day.
The little one’s are short and sweet, and she goes like 10 times a day. The older one’s are slow and messy and are once every day or two. So, really it all evens out. I don’t get away with anything here folks.
I’m actually quite happy that they don’t hold their poos. Because, that would suck. Better out than in. When my older daughter went to daycare, she used to hold her poos in all day until she got home. These days, thankfully, my kids will poo in any toilet they can get their butts on to.
According to Ayurveda, the ancient science of life, good digestion is the key to health. So, I guess if my kids get the urge and they need to let it go immediately, I probably should be grateful. It still doesn’t make the poos any more convenient to think of it that way. But, at least it makes me feel better to know that they’re in tune with… um… their bodies. Hooray for untimely poos!
Now, you’re just read 784 words about poo. Have a great day!