The truth is that they’re not doing it better. They’re doing it different. A day after David Bowie’s death, the radio played a snippet of one of his interviews. Bowie talked about how his most successful albums were his least favorite to create. He only made them because he thought that was what everyone wanted. Those albums WERE what the fans wanted, but it didn’t make David Bowie feel satisfied.
As a blogger, I used to get this feeling of needing to write something that would be huge, that everyone would want to read. I’ve only been writing for a few years, so the whole writing thing was new to me. Somewhere along the line, I had almost 2 million people so far, read my articles! Two million reads seems pretty awesome to the non-writer me of a few years ago. Yet, somewhere out there, in the land of blog writers (and that land is vast), I see that somebody is always getting more likes, views and shares on their posts. There’s always somebody out there who is writing stuff that’s funnier, more well researched, more sappy, sweary, is juicy, more articulate, or somehow appeals to the greater public more than my writing does.
And, what if I tried to write like those people? Would it get me more attention? Yes. Believe me, I’ve tried it. It worked! I got lots of attention and I knew exactly who I would submit these attention grabbing articles to. But, it wasn’t me. It didn’t match the core values that I hold so dear to myself.
Thinking that everyone is doing it better than you applies to ALL areas of our lives. Our jobs, our choice of partner, number of children, house, car, what we do in our spare time, hobbies, etc. We’re all doing the best we can, but we think that others are doing it better. In reality, we don’t want ANY of these things… we just want to be happy, right?
Social media is the worst for smearing ‘I have a perfect life‘ phoniness all over the place. Don’t believe it when it looks like ‘everyone‘ is doing it better. In fact, I just took a trip to America and it was awful. I was really sick almost the whole time and had major culture shock (even though I am American). Yet, when people asked about my trip, they said, “It looked like you had a fantastic time in America, tell me all about it!” I had been posting a bunch of smiley pictures with national icons in the background and people perceived this perfect little family holiday. Wrong. You can’t judge what is going on from internet-space.
Honestly, my mind can get really swept away with jealously when I see someone doing it ‘better than me‘. If I can catch myself, I avoid falling into a wallowing pit of ‘poor me‘, by remembering that you can’t take it with you. Everything that brings you joy on this earth can also bring you pain. Money, fame, cars, big houses, clothes, your looks, fancy stuff, number of children, happy marriages, and so on… can be taken away at any moment. Artists, celebrities and politicians are always in trouble. They always dream of being popular, but once they gain the popularity, they get stressed from trying to keep at the top. Just because someone has everything you want, remember that what they have is temporary and if you gained those things, your possession of those things would also be temporary.
So, again, nobody is doing it ‘better‘, they’re just doing it different. If you have something to learn from someone, then take what you need and move on, with no regrets. There are certainly times when we need influence, advice, feedback or direction from someone who has more experience. But don’t sell yourself out. The actions you choose in order to match someone else’s success, will never feel authentic.
Success is different to everyone. Some people measure success in attention, money and items. Others measure success in happiness and the ability to positively impact society. Find out what your goals are. What is YOUR vision and why is it important that you do the things you want to do. And, unless someone’s going to pay you millions of dollars for doing something you’re not crazy about (or you’re David Bowie), then stick to your big vision. Drop the feverishness that everything has to be perfect. Accept. Accept. And be happy.