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Using Toilet Paper is Totally Disgusting! Smear Smear Smear

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Ten years ago, I was traveling in south India on a bus. We stopped at a *rest stop* (I’m using this term loosely because I’m not sure if that’s what it actually was). A young Indian woman went into the single stall containing the squat toilet. I was next. She came out with a very disappointed look on her face. “It’s not nice in there, There’s no water. So unclean!” she said.

I thought to myself, “Haha, lucky me, I’ve got my TOOOOILET PAPER!” I carried a stash in my backpack at all times, like all the westerners did.

Well, that was a long time ago… and I was clueless. These days, I barely use toilet paper for #2s. Doing so, is indeed, disgusting.

No, there’s nothing more special about my butthole than yours… but I think in many western countries, people just don’t know what it’s like to feel really clean. Like, ultra clean. And toilet paper doesn’t cut it folks. You need some water. Streaming water.

One thing I discovered while in India, was this little sprayer that people used to spray themselves with. Not every toilet there had one, most were a squat toilet and a little cup/bucket for water. I never quite got this concept… something like reach behind, pour and splash technique (you don’t actually scrub your poo off with your left hand like everyone thinks, it’s more sophisticated than that). But, THEN, I went to a ‘fancy’ place that had this little spray thing attached to a hose. I was like, “OMG! Genius! This is the best invention in the world!” We’ve had one at home for the past 8 years, I call it, my poor man’s bidet.

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My ‘poor man’s bidet’, that I’m missing very much. Attaches to the sink, or the toilet.

Think about it… all you do when you wipe with toilet paper is clear off the excess and smear the rest. If you were to go for a run and get all sweaty before work, you wouldn’t just wipe yourself off with a paper towel (let’s hope), you would take a shower… Right?

Another thing is the waste. My mama always taught me “you wipe until you don’t see any more brown.” But, good golly, sometimes, that can take so much time, and creats a mountain of dirty toilet paper in doing so. Such a waste of time and resources!

Let’s see… grow a tree, cut it down, process the pulp (have you ever smelled a paper factory, it smells like a fart), package it, ship it, buy it ($$$$$$), wipe your bodily waste on it, then flush it down the waste water system where it has to get broken down and treated. What a waste! When a little bit of water easily does a much better job!

I’m writing about this because for the past 6 weeks we’ve been staying in a holiday rental and I haven’t had access to my little sprayer. Although, I call it my poor man’s bidet, there’s nothing poor feeling about my rear after I use my poor man’s bidet. Plus, it’s fast and gets the job done 100%.

It’s been a nuisance not having access to water in the toilet room. When we move into our new house, I’m making the pitch to get a real bidet, they even come with heated water and dryers. Hooray for that!

In the meantime, for the next week, I’ll be slumming it… Wiping.

 

(The hose thing, you can usually get from a big hardware store, like Bunnings in Australia, or in America, Lowes or Home Depot. It’s sometimes called a dog sprayer or a cloth nappy sprayer. It costs about $30 and BAM, you’re set. You may need some attachments for hooking it up to the sink or the toilet. Also, sometimes attaching it to the toilet means that the hose gets too much water pressure, so you’ll just need to fiddle with it to make it work, or use the sink if you have one.)

3 Responses »

  1. I’ve often thought the same about baby wipes. Why smear, smear, smear, when holding baby’s bum under a running tap of water is so much cleaner and quicker? I rarely used wipes when our two were little. Unfortunately, now that they’re not babies anymore, we’ve gone back to the ‘western way’.

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  2. We Filipinos have what we call a “tabo” or dipper. That’s what we use to wash our bum bums. Bidets are for rich households lol. We only use toilet paper when wiping after we pee. #2s would always be with soap and water. 🙂

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