I started writing this informative Earth Day post on how it’s easy to teach your kids to be eco friendly. It’s easy, I was writing, all you have to do are a few simple things to help reduce you and your children’s carbon foot print!
Eat less meat, turn the tap off… teach your children about consumerism.
Then, this morning, my 4 1/2 year old asked me for *the* fluffy dress from H&M. We saw *the* fluffy orange dress about 8 months ago, and she still remembers it. I told her, “But, you already have like 10 fluffy dresses… your dress-up drawer doesn’t even close! Why do you need another one?!” I took down the globe and I explained to her about the consumer chain of production. Where do the raw materials come from? Who makes the dress? How does it get to Australia? I took about 3 minutes to explain it, and she listened attentively. Then, she replied, “I still want the dress.”
What a joke. So, here’s seven reasons why I won’t be celebrating Earth Day until my son, who is a baby, is at least 10 years old.
- My kids stand in front of the open fridge for at least 18 minutes a day.
You think I haven’t told them to close the fridge a hundred times? No, that’s right, because I’ve told them a thousand times.
- They take showers with both the hot and cold water running full blast.
I’ve explained it before, yes, the water pressure is great when you do that… but who’s going to pay for the hot water?! ME AND MOTHER EARRRRTTTTHHHH!!!!
- Children are reckless consumers.
They want Elsa dresses, even though they already have at least 7. They want the sheet of ten stickers that are in a package the size of a cereal box because it looks big! They want the crappy plastic crap thing that I tell them will be in the garbage in a month… just because they want it. There’s no reasoning with maniacs.
- Going to the shops = Buying SOMETHING
They don’t care what it is, but they have to buy something. ANYTHING! You cannot leave empty handed (of course we do most of the time). And heaven forbid the other one gets something and they don’t. I know you’re sitting there thinking that it’s my fault because I trained them to be this way. But, I promise, pinky swear, I’ve done everything I could to make them conscious consumers. But, it’s this force deep within them… THEY NEED SOMETHING! My 7 year old is sort of starting to get it… sort of…
- They waste food.
Babies and toddlers especially. The baby literally throws food on the floor… at least when I forget to pick it up, he gets it later when he’s commando crawling around. Let’s not forget when they beg to put extra soy sauce on their food, then won’t finish their plate. I try to salvage the food and eat it myself, while my taste buds are burning from excess salt, trying to ignore the fact that they’ve made the food completely inedible. I’m doing it for you, Mother Earth *fist bump*. The thermos I found from last week, full of food and the leftovers I had to throw away because I forgot to put them away at night while I was wrangling kids to bed… I’m sorry Mother Earth.
- Disposables, Cloth and Laundry
I thought having an extra child would mean that the amount of clothing I wash would only go up by 1/3. But, actually, the amount of washing I do has quadrupled. Scientists haven’t figured this one out yet. And even though I actually take my babies to the toilet (it’s called elimination communication), I still have to do a load of cloth nappies, plus all the other dirty, slobbery, food laden, baby vomit drenched clothes and sheets, every day. When I get tired of washing cloth nappies, I have the stash of disposables… which gets thrown away and stays underground for the next 5,000 years. Toilet training them early helps, yes… but I still couldn’t look my boss in the eyes, when she once told me that she decided not to have kids because of their environmental impact…
- The Boogie Man
My kids leave the lights on in the other room at night because *IF* they have to go into that room, they need the lights to be on well and truly before they get there. If those lights are not on because I turned them off, and I happen to be reclining down in a comfortable position, I then have to get up off my carcass and turn the lights on for them… So, I let them leave the lights on (some of them).
P.S. The paper my daughter is holding is a picture of Donald Trump’s head photoshopped onto the head of an eagle who is pooping poo emojis over a famous Australian beach. My husband made it.