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Author Archives: katesurfs

Setting Loving Limits Can Prevent You From Blowing Up At Your Kid

Setting loving limits means simply you say ‘no‘ (as respectfully as you can), when a child’s request is unreasonable and/or you sense they’re asking for something as a sort of distraction when they have some pent up emotions. I have to use today’s example as a perfect case of how settling a loving limit would have prevented me from getting angry at my kids.

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We were out all morning, swimming, in the sun and running around and suddenly, I realised I was HANGRY!! It was lunchtime, the kids were hungry, but they had been eating snacks, and I was super crazy hungry (breastfeeding does that to me).

We ate out at a shopping centre food court. I ordered our food and I didn’t want to spend any more money that what I had just spent. Then, while we were eating, the middle one complained the food was too spicy and she wanted something else. She had already eaten a little and there was DEFINITELY food there she could have had, like plain rice.

I said “No.” She complained. She kept fucking complaining. It was annoying. I wanted her to shut up so I could eat my food! I could feel a headache coming on because I hadn’t fed myself in time.

She wanted another sushi roll.

I didn’t want to spend the money.

She kept whining.

I said, “Fine, ok, just get another one.” Read the rest of this entry

I Permanently Ditched My Uncomfortable Clothes and I’ve Never Felt Better!

I picked up the last pair of jeans I own and contemplated either sending them to goodwill, or chopping them up to use as fabric for craft projects.

I started noticing how much I disliked wearing tight clothing about 15 years ago. But, for some reason, I still kept buying the same tight uncomfortable clothes for years! I especially justified clothes that looked good, but didn’t feel good, for work and big events. What was wrong with me, I have no idea. Even at my skinniest, I still never felt comfortable wearing tight clothes. Thankfully, I’ve come around to my senses now.

Tight, awkward or uncomfortable clothing restricts the prana (energy flow) in our bodies. It makes us move our body in awkward ways and keeps us from stretching and moving to keep ourselves limber. Over a time, wearing uncomfortable clothes, restricts the body from moving in certain ways and can cause stiffness and inflexibility. I remember feeling TIRED from wearing jeans! The tiredness was lack of prana in my legs and lower regions of my body. Even though these were stretchy jeans, they still literally sucked the life out of me.

And, who remembers the story of the girl who had to go the hospital because her jeans cut circulation off from her legs? Ok, for most of us, our jeans are not that tight, but they still form a sort of compression that makes it hard for the blood to make its way around.

How many times in my life, was I wearing uncomfortable clothes for the day, and the second I got home, I would rip them off! Oh, the relief to be able to move and be free again! I did that for the last time a few years ago before I said to myself, “Kate, don’t you ever buy uncomfortable clothes again!!!

And, I haven’t.

I know, I know, there are *comfortable* jeans out there. All those jean defenders will all cry. But, no… there are not. There are jeans that are *relatively* comfortable to other types of jeans or tight clothing. But, jeans are tight and stiff. They’re designed to keep their shape and be worn a few times before you need to wash them (eww, by the way). And, they’re annoying. If they’re tight enough to not slide down your waist, then they give you rolls where you had no rolls before. You can’t sit cross legged without your butt crack showing and you can’t just move around as easily in them. If they’re not tight enough, you spend all day hiking them up. For years, I tried to convince myself that I liked them… but I can’t anymore.

Short or tight skirts are the same. You can’t walk properly in them or move around in them without fear of flashing your undies to everyone. Underwire bras, oh.my.God. Get them off of me! If you put a wire, let’s say, around your leg, there’s no way in hell you would think that’s comfortable. But, put a wire under your boob to push it up and somehow that’s ok? Nope… just nope. And, I think high heels are so far off the comfort radar that they almost didn’t make this post.

Even some stretchy material active wear type clothing can be tight and restrictive! I bought some 3/4 length black exercise pants and I actually couldn’t do yoga in them properly. The fabric felt so icky and they were sliding down my butt! I put on my Indian cotton baggy pants and it felt sooooo much better.

Plus, if you have any body insecurities, you feel better in clothes that fit and are comfy! There are physical and psychological benefits to wearing comfy clothing!

Kids, especially, should never wear tight clothing, restrictive clothing.

So, aside from the fact that the clothing has to look good on me, my rules for buying clothes are very simple.

1. Can I sit cross legged easily?

2. Can I squat?

3. Can I breathe easily?

4. Can I cross my arms across my chest?

5. Can I reach my arms up?

6. Can I move in all directions without boobs, cleavage, crotch, buttcrack showing?

7. Is the fabric breathable (always check the tag for the fabric type) and does it feel good against my skin?

If the clothes don’t meet any one of those criteria, I won’t let myself buy it.

Now, my clothes are so much more comfortable! Yes it is a little harder to shop. But, I no longer have to rip uncomfortable clothing off the second I get in the door! I can move and I can breathe and I feel so comfy throughout the day! And, feeling comfortable helps me from getting tired because the prana is free to flow around my body. And no, I don’t wear a burlap bag everywhere I go! There are plenty of gorgeous and comfy clothes. You just have to look and be a little more picky when trying clothes on. I hope you all ditch your uncomfortable clothes, so you can be free too!

Don’t Just Survive Being a SAHM! The Thriving SAHM Checklist

I like to think that 50 years from now, somebody will be reading this and think how outdated this list is… But for now, it’s reality. We don’t need to just survive, we need to thrive!

Being a SAHM, is hard work, it’s never ending hours, often thankless and undocumented (expect for now we have social media as an outlet for our day to day woes). I once had some lady tell me I was lazy for being a SAHM, and I think my eyes almost fell out of my head! Not only is being a SAHM challenging, but often our pride and dignity get squashed when we compare ourselves to mothers who work. When we see photos on social media or know what our money making friends are up to, it can make you feel pretty worthless somedays. Here you are calling it a triumph of a day for wiping poo off the floor and baking some cookies… and what other people are doing at work, might seem much more glamourous.

And, there are lots of reasons why one parent ends up staying at home with the kids!

But, no matter what our reasons for being a SAHM (stay at home mum or SAHD, stay at home dad), or part time SAHM, these are the things over the years (going on 8) that have helped me thrive. After giving a short poll to my readers, they resonated with a lot of the same… Read the rest of this entry

Children Under 7 Have No Concept of Time: Helping Kids Understand ‘Time’.

Have you ever said to your kid, “We’re leaving in five minutes!” The time comes and they totally blow you off? Or, they legitimately ask you 399 times in the car “are we there yet?” even though you told them that the GPS says 10 more minutes?! Or, thirty seconds before you leave the house, they get involved with imaginary play? Even though you’ve been telling them all along that we’re leaving “in a few minutes“?

It’s because young kids have a very limited concept of time. For babies and young toddlers, you can just about forget about it. They live so much in the present moment, every moment to them is new and fresh. This is why kids can be crying one minute and laughing the next. It’s very beautiful, but can be super frustrating for us adults who are stuck in the world of time!

Don’t you remember, as a kid, how long everything felt? I remember summer vacation feeling like an eternity! And long car trips were torturous because I thought I might die of old age before we ever reached our destination. Or, the reverse. I would go out to play in the backyard, and get lost in time, playing with sticks and leaves and mud. Read the rest of this entry

“A Dishwasher Saved Her Marriage”

Right now, my husband is out surfing, while the dishwasher is doing its magic.

But, it hasn’t always been so magical. A couple years ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about my domestic woes. The biggest of all was the dishes… The.damn.dishes. I cook a lot. We had no dishwasher, and my husband worked long hard days and would come home utterly exhausted. I was often the only person who washed the dishes for weeks, sometimes months on end. It was really getting me down. I was feeling resentful. I did everything I could to cut down on dirty dishes, including making the kids share plates if I made them something like toast. I tried paper plates in emergencies. I even tried turning the dishes into a sort of meditation… But, in reality, I felt like a slave in my own home. The dishes had become the bane of my existence, I told her. Read the rest of this entry

The Magic of Not Giving Kids Chores

Think about how you motivate yourself to do chores. Do you give yourself a sticker for making your bed? Or, give yourself a chocolate for folding the laundry? Come on… NO!

Most of us need to be intrinsically motivated to get the job done.

Assigning chores, becomes a chore in itself!

Read the rest of this entry

Dear America, What Exactly Are Y’all Praying For?

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My husband woke up before me and showed me the screen of his phone. “What the hell.” He said. “What the fuck.” I said. We don’t swear much. But this news check required swearing.

Another shooting. More people praying.

Praying for the victim’s peace. Praying for the victom’s families. Praying that another act of ‘senseless violence’ (ahem, domestic terrorism/murder) won’t happen again.

How about we start praying for GUN LAW REFORM?!?! Now there’s a thought! It’s mighty kind of us to pray for victims and their families, but by the time we’re praying for the victims and the families is too late!!!

What if, instead of waiting for these things to happen, and then praying later, American politicians did something to STOP mass shootings from happening.

Don’t pull your bullshit, “People shoot people”. I moved away from America ten years ago and I live in a country with people too. Crazy people, sane people, rich people, poor people. The difference is that in the country I live in now, people don’t have access to guns like they used to. In 1996, there was a mass shooting in Australia and the politicians said enough is enough. They changed the gun laws. They made a gun buy back program to get guns out do the hands of civilians. And guess what? No more mass shootings.

There was no praying. (Ok, maybe there was). Quite simply, the laws were changed. There was no fluffing around. The Australian politicians decided that the right to live was greater than the right to own a gun.

And, people here can still own guns. And, we still have gun violence. It’s stupid. I wish the laws were even stricter. When you do hear of gun related violence, it’s usually associated with some sort of domestic violence.

But no lunatic pulling out a semi automatic weapon killing 50 people and injuring 500 more!

So, America, pray all you want, because I know you’re a prayin’ nation, but please pray for the right thing. Pray that your politicians will keep the guns out of the hands of people who should not have them. The second amendment does not apply to phsycopaths with semi automatic rifles! I’ll pray for you too. And for your husbands and wives and for your children, that your politicians will do the right thing.

 

The “Stop Judging Me” Epidemic

Some parents have become so defensive in their parenting practices, that they sincerely believe someone else’s triumphs are a direct attack on their way of living.

A home birth story turns into you judging another mother for having a c-section story. A photo of your kids enjoying a day of homeschool turns into a dig against kids who go to school. A photo of a smiling mother, happily breastfeeding, instantly becomes an insult to those women who couldn’t breastfeed. A proud photo of babywearing becomes an attack on parents who use strollers. A parent who openly says they will never do ‘cry it out‘, because it goes against their heart and against what all the research says, is dragged over the coals for judging other mothers who do ‘cry it out’.

It’s out of control. It’s ridiculous.

Since when have parents become so incapable of appreciating others experiences? Since when have parents become so unwilling to gain something useful from someone else’s life stories? Since when have parents become so defensive to the point that rather than admit they may have something to learn, they scream out, “You don’t know what my life is like, stop judging me!Read the rest of this entry

Ten Years Ago, I Made a Ten Year Plan

Ten years ago, I was feeling a little bit lost. I think a lot of people go through a rough patch like this at some point. I had a degree, but couldn’t find a good job. Wasn’t happy where I was living. Thought I wanted kids and a family, but maybe didn’t know when or where to start as most of the other areas of my life didn’t seemed to be lining up.

So… I sat down and made two plans. The first was a short term plan for getting things I needed to get done in the next 6 months or so. The second plan was a long term, ten year plan.

I divided my long term plan into different pages. One page for career. One page for family planning. One plan for community volunteer goals. One plan for the type of education I needed to get the job I wanted. Where I wanted to live, etc.

It took me less than a half an hour. When I finished, I folded it up and put it in a special place and felt a lot better. If anything, I had a plan.

And guess what?

Almost everything on that plan came true! Read the rest of this entry

When Babies and Toddlers Go on Strike! An Aware Parent Perspective

My ten month old son was getting a new tooth, and while it wasn’t causing him pain, his latch must have felt different. One day, he sort of chomped/grazed me while he was feeding. I jumped and let out a ‘YELP!‘ On the surface, he showed no obvious response to my reaction. But, when we started having extreme difficulties feeding for the next few days, I knew that he had been upset by my reaction to his bite.

It’s very common for babies and toddlers to ‘strike‘. Most common are breastfeeding ‘strikes‘, or if you’re doing elimination communication, it could be a potty ‘strike‘. (If you haven’t heard of elimination communication, it’s taking your baby to the potty, I wrote a blog post about it here.) Other ‘strikes‘ could be sitting still for a nappy change, getting in the carseat, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. I lumped all the ‘strikes‘ together, because while the reason for the ‘strike‘ may be different, the remedies for the ‘strikes‘ are generally the same!

Sometimes the ‘strike‘ seems to resolve itself, while other times, the ‘strike‘ seems to go on forever.

I put the term ‘strike‘ in quotation marks, because it’s not really that the baby doesn’t want to continue with the activity. Rather, babies at this age go on ‘strike‘ because of some sort of unmet need or pent up emotions. This post will talk about WHY a baby goes on ‘strike‘ and what actions you can take to resolve the issue, all while staying emotionally available and connected to your baby. Read the rest of this entry