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What’s With Kids These Days?

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You know what’s the problem with kids these days?


Absolutely nothing.

People can cry all they want about the technology, kid’s exposure to this and to that. How kids disrespect their parents and teachers (I know about the second one first hand).

Well, I’m not saying those things help. But, you know what? Kids are the same today as they were 50 years ago. They’re the same as they were 500 years ago.

Kids are all born amazing. They’re smart. They’re creative. They’re naturally friendly and cooperative (REALLY! more on this later). They’re free thinkers. In fact, I can’t think of any other time in history when we’ve had so many free thinking adults in our society, and those free thinking adults all used to be kids who one day grew up. Oh, and kids also all have the ability to drive us insane.

I bet you think YOU are a free thinker and reasonable adult, right? Yet once upon a time, some adult was sitting there thinking about your generation and wondering what was wrong with the kids from your era. The same people calling the kids of today ‘entitled brats‘ are the same people who were being called ‘entitled brats‘ 30 years ago.

So, then it’s the parent’s fault, right? That’s what’s making kids so rotten.


Parents today are also the same. The same mother who stresses because she can’t brush her 3 year old’s teeth, is the same mother whose 3 year old kept getting too close to the fire 5,000 years ago. Of course, now, parents are so much more stressed and often don’t have the time or resources to help their kids the way they want to.

And this whole, you have to ‘be a parent, not a friend‘ (barf) thing needs to go.

A  few hundred years ago, in a bid to make children more cooperative, the parenting trend in Europe was to punish children severely, to keep them in line. The idea was that children were trying to rule their households (sounds familiar to some of today’s woes). And if we can train our children when they’re little, they’ll learn to be respectful and behave. Then they’ll grow up to be law abiding citizens, right? Well, that didn’t work, because if it did, the prisons would have been empty for hundreds of years!

See, being tough didn’t work… And, actually, parents today are probably better than they ever have been in western society.

There’s no need to be more strict and less friendly with our children. There is such a thing as a loving limit.

In today’s world, we have all this research available that tells us that being tough on kids doesn’t really work. We can show more compassion and we can try to understand our children’s behaviours and why they do certain things. This will help the most.

A kid throwing a tantrum, is not because a toddler is trying to manipulate a parent. A tantrum is because a toddler is searching for understanding and connection. A tantrum is a cry for a help. Whether it’s a 2 year old throwing a tantrum or a 12 year old throwing a tantrum or an adult throwing the tantrum, there is a need that’s being unmet. A child repeating the same misbehaviour over and over is looking for understanding and trying to make sense of some very painful feelings.

Kids need to feel loved. They need to feel accepted and their emotions, desires and ideas need to be validated. Parents need to feel loved. Parent’s feelings need to be accepted and their emotional needs and desires also need to be fulfilled.

There’s nothing wrong with kids these days. There’s nothing wrong with parents these days! But, a little education about why our children act the way they do, can really make our world a better place.


If you are having trouble with a child’s behaviour… For parents with kids under the age of 8, I highly recommend reading the book ‘Tears and Tantrums’ and “Helping Young Children Flourish’ by Aletha Solter. If your child is older, I recommend reading another one of her books, “Raising Drug Free Kids”. I’m not being paid to say that either… you can’t complain without offering a solution. These books are a good start to a solution. And also, never be afraid to ask for help. 

I’m Not Trying To Replicate My Childhood for My Children

My childhood was great. It was American as apple pie (Sort of, except I was always a bit of the odd ball, but aren’t we all).

I played a lot outdoors, rode my bike everywhere. We lived in a tiny cookie cutter house, we had a yard, a cat, (a dog at some point). I played in the snow. Kids picked on me at school and I ‘toughened up‘ to get past it. I had plenty of friends, I went to school, (school that I wasn’t sure if I hated or liked, but there was no other option so I never even thought twice about it). I had friends, and with the friends came the drama and gossip. I played soccer, we played man hunt with the neighbourhood kids. I played the piano (barely). We ate pizzas on Fridays. As we got older, we were all encouraged to do well in school so that we could go university so we could get a job… There was no mention of an alternative.

And, it was fine! My childhood was perfect because it shaped me into who I am today.

But. my kid’s childhood looks radically different. And, although I had a great childhood, there’s no way I’m going to try and recreate my childhood for my own kids.

Not only do we live 10,000 miles away from where I grew up, but we do things different. And, this life for them, is perfect for them because it is what it is. The nostalgia of my childhood doesn’t mean anything to them and it doesn’t have to mean anything to them! My childhood is my story, it doesn’t have to be theirs.

As of now, my kids have only been homeschooled. They haven’t be part of a ‘group‘ at school. And, that’s fine. They’re off doing other adventures in life. Just because I went to school doesn’t mean they have to experience the same thing!

They don’t have a yard, we live in a unit. I spent enough hours of my teenage years mowing the lawn to know that mowing is nothing I want to waste my time doing now! We don’t have pets, even though I had a billion when I was a kid. We just have a different life and there’s no time for pets.

My kids don’t have snow, they don’t have skiing, they don’t have ice. It’s fine. Of course, they beg to see the snow, so I guess I’ll have to take them one day! But, they have the beach, they have rainforests. They don’t have Twinkies and Tootsie Rolls (thank God), they have vegemite instead.

And, I’m happy that I’m not passing on certain things, like my fears!!! When I was a kid, I was terrified of doing gymnastics and never really felt interested in it at all! When my daughter asked to sign up for it, I remembered all those scary thoughts and also the thoughts that I’m not crazy about gymnastics, but I pushed those thoughts aside to make way for HER experience. Now she loves gymnastics and its really quite good at it and I love to watch her do what she loves. They also do dance which is nothing I ever had an interest in doing!! But, it’s what they love, so how can I say no?

Lots of things are the same, and these are the important things. Having strong morals and human values are the non-negotiables. Valuing knowledge is important, not so much the way we learn.

I often think of my husband’s grandmother, who came from Russia to America in the early 1900’s, and of my ancestors who escaped Europe in the late 1800’s. How radical there childhood would have looked to that of their own children. And back then, the world was bigger, you couldn’t just hop on a plane in Brisbane and be eating a slice of New York pizza 24 hours later. Of course, some things are always carried over from our childhoods, and that’s good! Especially if it’s some cultural or heritage thing, but it’s also ok if some of it is lost. Keep what’s important and drop behind what doesn’t really matter.

The human race knows how to adapt. We know how to let go and move on. We know how to survive and thrive! I’m so happy that I see my kid’s lives as unique and I’m not trying to force them into enjoying things that I did as a kid. If they want to do something I enjoy, then that’s great. But, if not, well, then we’re off on a brand new adventure to learn and explore together!

Gentle Parents Lose Their Sh*t. It’s Ok.

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We all lose it differently. Some of us want to curl up in a ball. Some of us disengage on screens. Some of us cry. Some of us yell. Some of us explode. Some of us get aggressive. Some of us curse. Some of us use threats and bribes and say hurtful things that were said to us when we were children. Some of us do a combination of all of the above. It happens I tell you. Even professionals in the field of helping parents and children, react in ways that seem hypocritical of everything that they teach and value. It happens…

I was joking with my husband the other day, saying how young children can be like drunk people. Irrational, intensely irritating, incoherent at times, unable to do the simplest of tasks, etc. It made me laugh talking about it… but it also made me feel enormous compassion for myself and for other parents trying their hardest to be gentle, aware parents. Because it’s easy to go on parenting in ‘react‘ mode. It’s a challenge to become aware of our tendency to react, and if you’ve taken the challenge, you’re already doing amazing things!

Kids have the ability to unintentionally push every single one of our buttons and can trigger, in us, our absolute worst reactions! Read the rest of this entry

Don’t Just Survive Being a SAHM! The Thriving SAHM Checklist

I like to think that 50 years from now, somebody will be reading this and think how outdated this list is… But for now, it’s reality. We don’t need to just survive, we need to thrive!

Being a SAHM, is hard work, it’s never ending hours, often thankless and undocumented (expect for now we have social media as an outlet for our day to day woes). I once had some lady tell me I was lazy for being a SAHM, and I think my eyes almost fell out of my head! Not only is being a SAHM challenging, but often our pride and dignity get squashed when we compare ourselves to mothers who work. When we see photos on social media or know what our money making friends are up to, it can make you feel pretty worthless somedays. Here you are calling it a triumph of a day for wiping poo off the floor and baking some cookies… and what other people are doing at work, might seem much more glamourous.

And, there are lots of reasons why one parent ends up staying at home with the kids!

But, no matter what our reasons for being a SAHM (stay at home mum or SAHD, stay at home dad), or part time SAHM, these are the things over the years (going on 8) that have helped me thrive. After giving a short poll to my readers, they resonated with a lot of the same… Read the rest of this entry

Children Under 7 Have No Concept of Time: Helping Kids Understand ‘Time’.

Have you ever said to your kid, “We’re leaving in five minutes!” The time comes and they totally blow you off? Or, they legitimately ask you 399 times in the car “are we there yet?” even though you told them that the GPS says 10 more minutes?! Or, thirty seconds before you leave the house, they get involved with imaginary play? Even though you’ve been telling them all along that we’re leaving “in a few minutes“?

It’s because young kids have a very limited concept of time. For babies and young toddlers, you can just about forget about it. They live so much in the present moment, every moment to them is new and fresh. This is why kids can be crying one minute and laughing the next. It’s very beautiful, but can be super frustrating for us adults who are stuck in the world of time!

Don’t you remember, as a kid, how long everything felt? I remember summer vacation feeling like an eternity! And long car trips were torturous because I thought I might die of old age before we ever reached our destination. Or, the reverse. I would go out to play in the backyard, and get lost in time, playing with sticks and leaves and mud. Read the rest of this entry

The “Stop Judging Me” Epidemic

Some parents have become so defensive in their parenting practices, that they sincerely believe someone else’s triumphs are a direct attack on their way of living.

A home birth story turns into you judging another mother for having a c-section story. A photo of your kids enjoying a day of homeschool turns into a dig against kids who go to school. A photo of a smiling mother, happily breastfeeding, instantly becomes an insult to those women who couldn’t breastfeed. A proud photo of babywearing becomes an attack on parents who use strollers. A parent who openly says they will never do ‘cry it out‘, because it goes against their heart and against what all the research says, is dragged over the coals for judging other mothers who do ‘cry it out’.

It’s out of control. It’s ridiculous.

Since when have parents become so incapable of appreciating others experiences? Since when have parents become so unwilling to gain something useful from someone else’s life stories? Since when have parents become so defensive to the point that rather than admit they may have something to learn, they scream out, “You don’t know what my life is like, stop judging me!Read the rest of this entry

Parenting With Less Wasted Words

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When my first was little, I used to talk to her all day. Almost a steady stream of explanations, questions and observations. I felt like it was up to me to deliver an experience of the world around her, through my eyes. When I watch old videos of us together, I wish I could have lovingly told the ‘me‘ of seven years ago to just be quiet and let her enjoy the new things she was discovering.

I used to say, “Oh, look at the moon! Look at the doggie! Wave bye bye!” ect. Interestingly, she went through a period where she was scared of the moon and of dogs! It was almost as if me pointing these things out to her and drawing artificial attention to them made her anxious! I also started to realise that it gets tiring always explaining, asking and talking!

This post is about my journey in the way I speak (or choose not to speak) to my kids and other children. I don’t want anyone reading this to think that I’m obsessed over every little thing I say to my kids or that I count my words or something crazy like that! It’s been more about the general awareness level and breaking free of the ‘record player‘ (the way we’re programmed to speak to children from our own past experiences). I feel I have a much deeper connection with my kids when I stop ‘talking at‘ them and really consider if what I have to say is actually helping the situation, or if I’m imposing my ignorance or my past, on their new experiences. The journey of awareness of speech is gradual and on-going.

Now, she’s 7 years old, and the other day, she was braiding a belt for her pants that kept falling down. She was putting in a considerable effort into the task that she had initiated herself. But, I could see straight away that the yarn she had cut was too short. For a second, I wanted to ‘save‘ her from making a mistake. I could have told her to stop and consider if the string was long enough. But, I didn’t. I watched. She finished. She realised it was too short. She simply said, “Wow, this is WAY too short!” and bounced away from her project and didn’t try to make another one.

In the short term, my intervention would have meant she would have been successful this time, but what about the next time and the time after that? I guess I could have encouraged her to make another one, right? Wasn’t she disappointed that she hadn’t succeeded? No… Her final product was only a failure in MY eyes. She didn’t have to know about the dialogue in my head! Who am I to say what learning experience she had gained? She had completed her activity and wasn’t attached by the outcome, only I was attached the outcome.

I found that most of the time when I ‘talked at‘ my children (explaining, asking questions, being unaware of their learning journey), I was interrupting a really important learning processes.

My four year old recently learned how to scoot really well on her scooter. By accident, I told her twice how awesome it was that she was scooting so well! (Cheer leader style). She rolled her eyes and said, “Why do you keep saying that?!” Oops… sorry. They’ll catch you in that moment of unawareness and let you know how irritating you are!

Kids complain. We try to reason with them. Instead of hearing them out.

Kids cry. We talk and distract, rather than listen to their hurts and frustrations.

Kids are sad. We try to talk them out of being sad, instead of allowing their hearts to be heavy (with kids, the heaviness usually only lasts for a few moments)

Kids discover something new! We try to explain their discovery even deeper and accidentally make it seem like they might not be able to learn all the answers on their own.

Kids get scared of something. Again, we try to distract or won’t validate their fears, telling them to stop being silly, or to be a big girl, instead of holding them in their space and allowing the fear to express itself.

The same goes for getting kids to cooperate. Let’s says it’s time to leave the park, I say we need to get going a hundred times, but they know that the first 99 times I say it, that we’re really not ready to go. So, I’ve literally wasted my breath. Same goes for put on your shoes, brush your teeth, etc. Unless the sound honestly does not reach their ear drums… they heard you the first time! Whether or not they cooperate is another story.

Over the years, I’ve gotten so so much better at responding, rather than reacting, but it’s hard to break out of ‘react‘ mode! Even people who have practiced some sort of self help/self discipline for years, suddenly find themselves spewing out words of unawareness from their past experiences when they become parents. Children bring out the best and worst of us!

Kids usually don’t need lengthy explanations on life. They get it. But, sometimes they DO need extra explanation. For example this morning, miss. 7 was bouncing on the bed doing flips and splits. Instead of telling her to ‘stop it‘ a million times, I told her “I need you do do your flips and splits in the other room because Marty is getting distracted by all your noise!” So, she went off in the the other room.

While writing this, my 4 year old came to me complaining about her sister. I listened. I told her in a few words that I understand how she is feeling. She left, happy that she was heard. I didn’t have to explain for ten minutes about another course of action she could take that would make everybody happy. I mean, if she had asked me for some advice, I would have given it to her. But, really, she just wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Young children live in the present moment, so there’s really no need for too much explanation, planning ahead, pondering, etc. If they’re ready to absorb it, they will. If they’re not ready, the event or phenomena will simply pass them by.

Although I do talk now with more awareness, I’m not so serious and rigid that I won’t sing a silly non-sensical song to the baby and do silly fart jokes with the 5 year old. I still talk and explain things and point things out. It would be really unnatural and stiff not to! The key is to be natural with my kids and leave those past experiences aside to make room for something new!

If after reading this post, you feel like you want to speak with less wasted words to your children, but you’re not sure of how to get them to cooperate, there’s a fantastic book that I highly recommend, called ‘Attachment Play’ by Aletha Solter. 

I Hate Having Kids

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Sorry if I hold your hand too tight when we cross the street. Sorry if hover too much. Sorry if I ask you, “are you alright?” a few too many times. Sorry if I check all night long that you’re breathing. Sorry that I over react sometimes when I think you might get hurt.

What’s that cough? What’s that bump? Am I saying and doing the right things? I know I have to let you go and I have to have faith that you’ll be safe. But deep down, there’s always that nagging thought… I’ve learned to quiet that thought, but it’s still there. I’m not an anxious person, but you do something to me that defies everything I thought I knew about myself.

The same thing that brings you joy can also make you miserable. I KNOW this. If you told me this knowledge on life about anything else, I can get it. A new car that brings you joy, makes you miserable when it gets scratched. An exciting new job can get mundane after some time. A new love will turn old. A young beautiful body will get old and wrinkled. I know all this and accept it… but when it comes to my babies, it’s so different. I love you, I worry. I can’t help it. I love you so much that I hate it!

I Feel Like I Could Do This Forever

“It’s a thankless job“, said the elderly lady in the shopping center. She sat on a bench licking an ice cream cone while my kids ate some sushi roles next to her. She peeked at my 2 month old son, sleeping in the baby carrier, and complimented me on how well behaived my kids were acting.

I smiled back at her.

Thankless‘ I thought… what is she talking about?! I feel like I could do this shit forever!

There certainly are days when I wish the time away.  But right now, I’m so in the thick of it, I can’t imagine doing anything else with my time.

The good times make it easy for parenting to be a ‘thankless job‘. But, I also don’t mind too much wiping up messes, listening to cries, feeding mouths, cooking like it’s Groundhog’s Day, tackling Mt. Foldmore (not that I really fold my laundry anyway), picking someone up who needs to be carried, getting in the car and out of the car 800 times a week (if I had a dollar for every minute I spent waiting outside the car for a four year old to organise themselves, I would honstly be a millionaire). I mean, I could easily do without the challenging parts of parenting, but for now, I don’t mind them so much, it’s part of the package.

Children spend their lives so much in the present moment, it’s sort of contagious. I don’t find myself counting on my fingers the numbers of years left of hard work to be done, I just do it. And, most of the time, I do it with a half smile/borderline mad woman smirk on my face.

I realised that I don’t find myself wishing for ‘freedom‘. I’ve had that sort of ‘freedom‘ and I know that even living the most carefree life, in a tropical paradise, you can still make yourself miserable and stressed!

One thing that makes the thankless bits easier is that I take my self care seriously. Daily showers are a must (don’t laugh… unless you forget what it’s like to have your first newborn). Yoga and meditation every day, also a must. Exercise and getting out of the house for paid work occasionally is important for me. Staying at home is hard work, and it just happens to be unpaid.

Once every year or so, I do a silent meditation retreat to really get my energy back to par. I take my self care seriously so that I don’t burn out doing the mundane stuff that would otherwise be the end of me (dishes, wiping butts, etc). So, it’s not like I’m doing all this ‘thankless‘ stuff on an empty cup!

Maybe, one day, when I’m as old as the lady in the shopping centre, I’ll look around at all the young mothers and say that you couldn’t pay me to go back to those days… maybe… but for now, I’m doing it 100%, no regrets and no feelings that this will get boring any time soon.

They Can Know The Truth And Still Believe

When my oldest was 2 years old, she was petrified of the dudes dressed up as Santa in the shopping centres. It was real, legitimate fear.

Without thinking twice, I told her that anybody can dress up like Santa. It took her another year, but after a while, she wasn’t frightened anymore. She’s 6 1/2 now, and we still ‘do‘ Santa. On Christmas Eve, we put cookies and (rice) milk out for him (daddy). And, sparkly oats and carrots for the reindeer… My kids know the truth and it’s still fun. Something that adults often forget is that children have an amazing imagination. They can know something isn’t real and still play along with all the enthusiasm as if it were real.

I generally don’t lie to my children about anything, and let’s face it, telling kids that Santa is real, is actually a big fat lie. I know it’s a nice, sweet, well intentioned lie… but it’s still a lie.  I know a lot of my friends are conflicted about whether they should ‘keep the magic‘ of Santa, or tell the truth and then Santa is ruined. So, that’s why I’m sharing my experience. You can do both! Tell them the truth and still have the fun.

Not pictured is my 4 year old… for some reason, she was terrified of Santa this year. I’m not really into the pictures of crying kids on Santa’s lap and I mean… really, look at the dude, he does look pretty scary. (He was actually the nicest Santa ever)